Tag:pasty ass
Posted on: March 3, 2008 1:55 pm
Edited on: March 3, 2008 1:56 pm

H-IM for 03/02 wk; 5 signs triathlon season is on

It looks like winter's coming to a close in Tex-oh wait, nevermind, it's snowing outside. I think Texas weathermen are masochists by nature; only somebody who enjoys public scorn & verbal abuse would take on the job of trying to predict weather in this state. Yesterday it was 80 & sunny, today the high is 45...and that was at 7am. It's supposed to snow at least an inch in the DFW area. I know that doesn't sound like much to anyone north of the Mason/Dixon line, but you have never shared an icy road with a Texas driver. There are 2 types of drivers in Texas when it comes to icy roads: 10mph or 90mph, and they share the same roads. There's almost nobody who drives sensibly in Texas when the snow & ice hit. The entire city shuts down if the roads ice over at all. Can you blame them? Who wants to get stuck behind a Ford Fiesta doing 12mph on the Dallas North Iceway with an Excursion flying up your ass at 85? Anyway, this last week wasn't a bad week for getting in some outdoor training. The weather was decent, though I made sure to get a ride in on Saturday because Sunday sounded like it was going to be windy(and it was, my gf actually got blown off her bike on her ride). With things starting to warm up, you see some signs that the triathletes are ramping up for the summer:

  1. The 'Team in Training' jerseys start surfacing. The TnT people are great and they're working for a good cause(fundraising for cancer research), but their logo should be changed to say 'HI I'M A N00B' or 'WATCH OUT, I SWERVE'. If you're not a TnT coach, you're probably a newcomer to the sport. They're the tri equivalent of "New Year's Resolutionists" at the gym. Good for them for improving themselves and raising money for a good cause, but Sweet Jesus Stay To The Right.
  2. Tan lines. During the summer, I look like I'm wearing a pair of white bike shorts when I'm naked. Calm down ladies; I know the image of a pasty ass really gets you going, but I'm taken.
  3. The barely-there bike shorts. A note to any prospective triathletes: bike shorts don't last forever, they get thinner over time. At a certain point, they get translucent bordering on transparent. The problem is that the transparent part is on your butt; so unless you preen in the mirror, bent over staring at your butt in the shorts, you're not going to know unless somebody else tells you. This happens mostly in the beginning & end of the season when people are either dusting off a pair from last season or using shorts they've been using too long at the end of the season. When you combine that with #2, that's a lot of glowing gluteus maximus in a group ride. When in doubt, replace the shorts. You don't want to see my pasty butt anymore than I want to see yours...unless you're a hot woman. In that case, please never change out your cycling shorts. Sincerely, All Male Triathletes
  4. The Jammers. Listen, I don't mind if people listen to music when they train. I do it too. But I never blare the music so loudly that I can't hear somebody screaming "ON YOUR LEFT" when they're passing you on the road/trail/sidewalk. That's just for running; the people that wear headphones in both ears on open roads when cycling are just asking to be somebody's hood ornament. I only put on headphones when I'm on a closed path(i.e. not on a path with vehicles) and even then I put it on low and only in my right ear. That way I can hear anyone coming up behind me, whether they announce themselves or not. Everybody needs motivational music, but The Jammers only motivate me to go on a psychotic rampage against all iPods.
  5. The Piranha. These guys - and let's face it, 90% of them ARE guys - are the speed demons. They go 20+ mph, they ride in packs, and they're on a mission to train no matter who is in their way. These guys will fly by you without so much as a whisper. They've got the right to the road/path as much as anyone else, but you have to keep an eye out for them or they'll scare the unholy sh*t out of you.
Of course I was happy that Daylight Savings time started this weekend. I was looking forward to an extra hour of sun to work out in, being able to get out and run outside after work without hurrying. That also meant I might be able to ride once a week after work since the group rides would be starting up. Then my gf informed me that I was a week off. Apparently I don't know how to read a calendar, which bodes well for any appointments I have coming up. Oh well.

02/24 - 03/02 Totals:
Bike: 32.58 Mi - 2h 03m 18s
Swim: 2000.00 Yd -35m 15s
Run: 6.00 Mi - 1h 00m 51s

Feb 2008 Totals:
Bike: 79.31 Mi - 5h 20m 52s
Swim: 6230 Yd - 3h 07m 13s
Run: 36.86 Mi - 6h 46m 21s

2008 Totals through 03/02/2008:
Bike: 130.12 Mi - 8h 33m 09s
Run: 63.97 Mi - 11h 18m 27s
Swim: 16230 Yd - 6h 35m 22s
Strength: 50m
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